


never be satisfied

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Minor Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-05 01:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12180510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Angelica and Laurens bond during Alexander and Eliza's wedding.





	never be satisfied

**Author's Note:**

> hello folks its angst time. i just really like the idea of angelica and laurens being friends so i wrote this 1.4k mess. i haven't proofread a lot so tell me if there's any spelling / whatever mistakes. 
> 
> enjoy!

Angelica notices Laurens' astray gaze, how he's been holding a glass of wine a few hours into the wedding. She walks towards him, trying to think of anything but Alexander and her sister, Eliza's lips placed against his, their smiles so _loving_.

She'd pushed herself aside so Eliza could have him; now it has happened. Yet, her heart is being torn in pieces. "Laurens?"

"Yeah?" there's a tinge of sadness in his voice, and it shakes as he takes another shot of wine. "Do you want me..." he pauses, to then pull a face, biting his lip and scrunching his nose. "To take you home? I-I won't mind."

"No, you don't have to." The proposition is obvious, but it's also clear how Laurens really is saying that just because he's been taught to. She turns around; Eliza is laughing as Alexander talks to her, the same lovestruck expression she saw at the ballroom a month ago.

Laurens sighs and drinks a little more.

Angelica tries the passive aggressive way. She can't just ask him why is he so miserable during Alexander's wedding, can she? "Shouldn't you be happy that your best friend is getting married?"

Laurens stares at her, raised eyebrows and his teeth gritted. "Shouldn't you be happy that your sister is getting married?"

His awareness takes her down a peg or two. "I... I guess. It's not nice to see a man you're in love with get married, that's all."

Laurens shrugs and he pats one of the chairs in a table, asking her to sit down with him. She does; the fear of Laurens laughing at her for being hopelessly in love with a man who is marrying her sister clings to her. But he's not like that, is he? The little she knows about the soldier is from Alexander himself.

After a long minute of silence, Laurens chuckles. It isn't humorous; his eyes betray the fact there's nothing funny about the situation. "I can say the same, Angelica."

She gets up without thinking twice, her heart on her throat. "You..." she starts. She might faint; Laurens is... he likes _men_. That's illegal. That's _disgusting_. They've always taught her so.

"I'm a sodomite. Should be in jail. I know." He chuckles again and glances up at her. There's so much pain in his brown eyes. "I wish I could change it, Angelica."

"Y-You're in love with Alexander?" she lowers her voice; most people are gone from the wedding, besides Lafayette, Mulligan and the couple in question.

Laurens ruffles his own hair; he isn't wearing his usual ponytail. "I'd like to say he's in love with me, too."

Angelica raises an eyebrow. "He's... have you..."

"We shared a tent," he cuts her short. "You can tell everyone, I don't care. Maybe I deserve to die."

"You're my friend. And theirs." She points to Mulligan and Lafayette, who are laughing about something a few tables away from them. "It's... it's not okay, in everyone's eyes. But I can't see you die."

Laurens laughs coldly. "Well, wouldn't that be great? People would associate abolitionists with sodomy. They'd say we want black people to be free only to have sex with them."

Angelica's mouth is dry. There's truth in his statement, no matter how hard she wants to deny it. "I'm so sorry, Laurens."

"Nothing to be sorry for." He takes the glass of wine and shows it to Angelica. "Do you want some?" His gaze is empty, and his jaw is clenched.

"S-Sure." She takes the glass in her hands and takes a sip. The law regarding sodomy passes through her head; Alexander has had sex with Laurens. Her stomach sinks. "Alexander talks about you a lot."

Laurens grimaces, pushes his glass of wine away. "I talk about him a lot, too." He drums his fingers against the wooden table, not looking at Angelica. "It's not that I'm not happy for him, I-I just—"

Angelica "No, I get it. I'm happy for him and my sister, but it's just..."

"Asphyxiating?"

Angelica nods. Laurens chuckles, his head titled to the side. His freckles are clear near the candles. "I want to be with him, but it's secret. If Lafayette knew— oh, if he or Mulligan knew."

Angelica understands— she doesn't relate, sure, but she understands. He could get killed if his closest friends ever figured it out. "Eliza knows I love him," she speaks, quiet, voice trembling.

Laurens looks at her if she's gone crazy.

"She hasn't said anything about it but... we're sisters. She knows. She doesn't... seem to mind."

Laurens grumbles, "I'd mind if I was her."

Angelica puts a hand on his shoulder and he almost jumps from his seat, to then relax again. She massages his shoulder and he sighs, turning his face away from her. "You should go home."

"I don't know where I'd go. I'm far from South Carolina, I'm not in the battlefield."

"I can take you to my house. It's near Alexander's." Laurens stiffens to the mention of his lover, and he hangs his head in shame before letting a breath out. "You can sleep in the sofa. My husband won't mind."

"Y-You're married?"

She licks her lips. "Yes."

Laurens lets a choked out laugh. "I am too." She raises an eyebrow and he turns to look at her. He's grimacing. "I don't know if she's even had her... _our_ child yet. God, I'm a terrible excuse of a man."

"It's alright, Laurens. Let's go home."

He grits his teeth and nods; he then takes a last sip of the glass, leaves it in the table and goes see Alexander. He has a bright smile on his face, his intelligent brown eyes twinkling like never before. "I'm going to Angelica's house, Alexander. Have fun tonight."

He's already turning around when Alexander grabs him by his wrist. "Wait, Laurens."

"Huh?" he mutters as he looks back at his lover. There's adoration in Alexander's gaze, so impossible to deny that Angelica wonders how has Eliza not realized yet.

"I invited you, a few letters ago."

Laurens goes beet red and he pulls Alexander's hand off his wrist. "I-I don't think I'm up for it. I drank a lot and I'm tired, so I..."

Angelica stares as Alexander hugs him, pulls back and smiles at Eliza. She kisses him as if nothing happened, as if nothing weird just happened. Laurens says goodbye to Mulligan and Lafayette hurriedly and leaves, the blush never leaving his freckled cheeks.

"What did he invite you to?"

"To be witness of the final consummation, as he'd called it." Laurens laughs airily as they walk through the streets of Albany. It's cold and dark, but they manage. "I can't stand the thought of seeing him... of seeing him make love to Ms. Schuyler."

"Oh. A little bold, isn't it?"

Laurens chuckles again. "When has my Alexander not been bold?"

Angelica almost trips on her own feet at Laurens calling Alexander his. He's married now, but Laurens thinks their relationship will continue on. It's a nice thought, but Angelica doubts that's possible.

When they open the door to her house, John is fast asleep in their bed. He hadn't wanted to go to the wedding, saying he wasn't up to deal with revolutionaries. Angelica just sighed and left alone, despite how dangerous it could be.

"Uh, you can sleep in the sofa here if you want to."

Laurens steps and sits down with shaky legs, his breath quivering. "I belong in the battlefield. I belong to Alexander. He said..." he bites his lip hard. "He said, he told me again and again his marriage wouldn't affect our relationship. But I'm burning. I'm burning." Tears spill from his eyes.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Laurens."

"It's..." he hiccups. "It's alright. I'll sleep. I'm sorry."

"Sleep well."

Laurens closes his eyes and curls into himself in the sofa. "Good night," he says under his breath.

Angelica goes to bed with her heart in her throat, hyperaware of what she knows of Alexander and Laurens now. They're sodomites, they're sodomites and no one knows a thing but themselves, her and maybe her sister. It's against what everyone has said, but she can't tell the authorities. She can't see the object of her affections die, nor his friend and lover.

She doesn't sleep well, and when she wakes up the next day Laurens isn't in the sofa anymore. There's no trace of him ever being in her house except for the food left in the counter. She sighs, and she sits down to eat.

She doesn't mention a thing to her husband.


End file.
